Life, the Universe, and Lotus Notes – A Voyage of Self-Discovery
Me, Myself, and Id
I have a post-it note on my desk. It’s been there a few weeks, like every page I don’t fill up (I’m loathe to waste paper, resulting in loads of pages with one line on them that I refuse to throw away until I realise that I can’t find anything, and I will never use those pieces of paper again.), and it has just one thing written on it; “Recover ID”.
It relates to the email program we use here at work, Lotus Notes. Your mail file is saved on an “ID” file, with pretty much all the necessary information relating to your email login.
I went for a walk at lunchtime, mainly to clear my head of a few mounting frustrations in my life which, for whatever reason, had become painfully apparent to me this morning. Whilst I was there, I got thinking about psychology, and how strange our sense of self is. (It’s not a particularly exciting or stimulating area to walk through, the CBD).
We all have a set idea of who we are and what we want. However, this is sometimes overriden by what other people want and need, so you may come to a point where your vision and the reality of your life are two totally different things.
How does this relate to a post-it note, I hear you ask?
Well, I got back to my desk, and I looked at the post-it note, and all of a sudden it took on a whole new relevance. It had occurred to me, whilst on my walk, that I had lost sight of my “id”, the pleasure-driven part of the psyche, described as a primal, beast-like area of the mind which is tilted towards self-preservation and basic self.
The centre of my problem at the moment, is falling into a routine of doing things that other people want. They’re the kind of things that start out as a favour, or simply a nice thing to do for a friend, but then, some time down the track, they become an obligation. My problem is that I realised this about a part of my life, and I also realised that these favours, nice things to do for a friend, obligations, whatever they are now, are not necessarily reciprocated, and in reality do not add anything to my own life at all. When this sort of situation arises, I invariably end up feeling used, and wonder if my actual friendship is valued, or if, should I stop doing favours, the rest of the relationship would tail off.
Well, here’s the thing; at the moment, I’m willing to take the risk, because what is a friendship if not a game of both give and take? I’m at a point in my life where decisions need to be made, changes undertaken, and experiences had. I’m no longer going to allow events or people to stand in the way of that.
It will probably take a conscious effort for a while, but I am going to try to get back to my roots (in more of a figurative than literal sense, sorry ladies), and live my life according to my wants and needs, not prioritising the wants and needs of others.
This does not mean I will stop being a friend. It just means that if I do something for you, it’s because I want to. Don’t expect favours, appreciate them.
Before you ask me to do something, especially something that could end up being a long-term obligation, think to yourself; What would I do if the roles were reversed? Chances are, if you wouldn’t do it for me, I’d be too nice to tell you I don’t want to do it for you.
And, in the near future, if I do something you disagree with, stop and think before you call me on it; A lot of people who judge others do so out of jealousy, envy, or recognition of a trait that they dislike in themselves, rather than genuine moral outrage. Let he/she who is without blame cast the first stone.
New Vistas
Last Thursday, I had a terminal failure in (thankfully, an insignificant) part of my computer, which resides in my bedroom, at the end of my bed. I was furious when I got home and realised that, at first glance, it looked like a total mess that was going to cause me a lot of problems.Having agreed to go to the gym earlier, however, I was running short on time, so I tried to get together a quick plan, to be expanded on later, in my head.
However, after going to the gym, then catching up with a friend for a few hours, I started to feel a nice sense of freedom. I wouldn’t be able to watch old tv shows on my computer until I fell asleep, waking hours later with sore eyes. Instead, I’d have to read if I wasn’t sleepy, and turn the light off when I was tired.
It’s difficult to describe how refreshing this is to anyone who isn’t in the same situation, but I had the best sleep I’ve had in ages that night, and it’s opened my eyes to my own private world without technology.
It’s fixed now, thanks to some dodgy (yet, somehow reliable) spare parts I had lying around, but I learnt the important lesson that I can do without being contactable 24/7, and I don’t need my computer on all the time.
From now on, if you don’t get me on my mobile, leave a message (if you don’t, chances are you won’t hear back from me). I’ll get back to you eventually, but it may well be that I’m just not near it, or I’ve (gasp!) switched it off for a while.
If I don’t answer an email, it may be because my computer is off. It’s become an “unnecessary necessity”, and I’m going to work to rectify that.
Tags: computers, Id, Lotus
So the new fatloaf has brought out a new type of post from Kiz? Good for you, Kiz, but I’ll still be ranting.
I too don’t like people who are all take and no give. I used to care what people think, but I’m getting over it. I’m with Kiz, if I do something you don’t like, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like you. I’m pleasing myself first (figuratively AND literally
), then I’ll worry about the rest of you.
I like to think I’m a flexible sort of poster. For instance, I typed that one with one leg over my shoulder. If something angers me, I’ll rant. If not, I’ll blog.
I just blogged in my pants.
I’d clean that up before it leaves a stain.
Does this mean you’re not going to be my bitch anymore, Kizza? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve already paid for another 4 sessions.
Let it not be said that I don’t honour my clients’ contracts.
Although I’m not entirely sure I could be classified as your “bitch”, since all I do is let you cry on my shoulder while I stroke your beard…
What happened to client confidentiality, Kizza?
You just lost yourself a customer, you heartless bastard.
Sorry, I sold to the highest bidder. Grum, you can pay me via the usual method.
I’ll meet you in the usual place, usual time.
What happened to you Kizza? You used to be cool.
I’m still cool. Haven’t you seen TV? It’s cool to be rich and sell things to people who are willing to give you money for said things!