It's not that fucking hard!
Hi, I’m Grum McClure, you might remember me from such rants as ‘I Know You Are, I Said You Are, But What Am I?’ and ‘It’s Not Illegal If Nobody Sees It’. I’m here today to present a rant on the LBW rule and those who don’t know it.
If you’re not a cricket fan, it’s probably a pretty fair bet that you don’t know the LBW rule. In fact you may not even know what LBW stands for. Don’t let that get you down, plenty of people who claim to love cricket don’t know the rule. That shits me. Take some time to visit the MCC website and have look at Law 36. For those not in the know, the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC) – the world’s most famous cricket club – who play out of Lord’s – the world’s most famous cricket ground – make the laws of cricket, NOT the International Cricket Council.
Anyhoo, the object of this rant is to bag people who don’t know the LBW rule and make one of several fuck-ups.
1. Appealing when it is obviously not out because they don’t know the rules.
2. Bagging me for not giving it out when I know it’s not out. I know the fucking rules.
3. Giving an excuse, such as ‘it pitched outside off stump’ when giving an appeal not out. No, no, NO! You, sir, are a fuckwit. It’s not out if it pitches outside of leg stump.
4. Calling me a cheat when I say not out to an appeal. Next time some moron calls me a cheat, I am going to quiz them on the rules. If they don’t get it 100% right, I am going to dack them and stick the leg stump up their date. IN AND OUT! I can say this, as I am confident that I will get it 100% right.
I know that some people have probably stopped reading by now, but I don’t give a flying fuck. I am now moving onto different issues.
Work Choices
I am sick of people saying that Work Choices is a load of bullshit and that it can’t be policed. I was there on Saturday when a company had its proposed Work Choice Agreement rejected. I will not name the company, as that wouldn’t be fair to them. However, I do have witnesses who can corroborate my story.
People who smack their lips while talking
I had a lecturer this morning that kept doing it. It was fucking annoying.
People who complain about the heat
Um…we live in Australia. If you must complain about something, perhaps complain about the fact that I have jsut sunk the slipper because I’m sick to death of hearing you whinge about the heat.
Triple M axing Get This
The best thing on the radio since Martin/Molloy and they’re getting rid of it because they “want to concentrate on the breakfast slot”. Then why the fuck have the got rid of the Melbourne Cage? I cracked it when they got rid of that and put on John, Jane and Cosi in Adelaide. Do they actually listen to the people who listen to the radio? Keep the good stuff on (Get This), get rid of the shit (Wil and Lehmo).
Wil Anderson
I’m sure I have bitched about this before, but he is NOT funny.
I’ve had enough of this shit. I’m going home.
Love and sloppy kisses,Grum.
Tags: cricket, grum, Rant
Howzat!
Hi Grum. I remember you from such filmstrips as Locker Room Towel Fight: the Blinding of Larry Driscoll.
Now Grum, you cannot mention the company problem without naming names. That’s just teasing and I keep warning you about being such a tease. Your just lucky Bill is a forgiving kind of guy.
I concur with the LBW rule, I’ll fight you physically about WorkChoices®, lip smacking is not as annoying as smegma, I agree about the heat, Triple M is radio at its lowest ebb so you’ve no right to complain about it as you shouldn’t be listening to it and yes, Wil Anderson is a pretentious twat whose jokes only seem to garner laughs from himself.
You seem to have assumed that I have Triple M on all day and all night. I turn it on from 3pm to 4pm to listen to Get This and then turn it off before I accidentally hear Wil Anderson.
As for WorkChoices, I’ll meet you behind the bike shed after school.
But I want to fight you, not pash on…
I see.
The quad at lunch. Better for you?
Can we still pash on though?
I insist.