Fatlo.af

…it angries up the blood. Besides, I think it tastes fucking awful. Have you looked at the ingredients in it? Goats blood, spam, small child called Kevin, the entire 1952 Collingwood squad. Why the hell would I want to drink that?

Have you read Kizza’s latest post yet? No? Then go do it. I can wait. It’s an interesting read, I reckon. It just shows to go you what an intelligent, well-hung, gumboot-wearing fellow he is. However, as I have discussed with Kiz, his new “edgier” style is not for everyone. For example, I am an angry man, I like to write angry. His thoughtful, witty insight into the human mind is not my forte. However, Kiz and I hope to combine to make fatloaf.com one of the most influential websites of our time – just behind this one. Besides, it seems that Scott, the creator, can’t be fucked and Spence seems to have disappeared of the face of the fucking planet!

Now, back to the anger.

I am growing increasingly pissed off with the world as a whole. Can someone please explain to me why the fuck we should give a fat rat’s arse is someone has a “baby on board” sign on their car? Do they really think that if I was a complete prick of a man, intent on ramming their vehicle and causing an inordinate amount of damage to both vehicle and driver, a stupid little sign is going to make me sit back and have rethink? If anything, I am more likely to ram their car as a way of removing a future fuckwit from the gene pool. Chances are if the parent thinks it’s cute to have that sign, then the child will too. The sooner we wipe them all out, the happier I’ll be. A happy Grum is a less vengeful Grum. That’s good advice, people, I suggest that you make a note of it.

And another thing, I hate people who say “we’re pregnant”. No, no, NO! The woman is pregnant. Admittedly, the bloke had something to do with it, but that’s where his immediate involvement ends. If couples are going to bang on with that shit, they also need to involve both of them for everything that happens to one of them. For example, “we’re having a vasectomy”, “we’re suffering from post-natal depression”, “we’re fucking morons”. Am I making myself clear or do I need to come around to your house and bash your heads together?

Now that you’ve read this, the following people must perform the following tasks:

Scott: make some sort of smart-arse comment about where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing.
Bill: make some sort of comment about how great I am and what a poof Scott is.
Kiz: continue writing those posts – we’ll make it into the big time…someday.
Duck: shouldn’t you be at work?
Random people: type “I agree with Bill”.

That’s it. Bugger off.