Fatlo.af

Rant time. Shall we begin? I’m sure you’re well-aware of the trialled extension to daylight savings planned for next year. If not, read this then get back to me.

I am pleased that we are finally going to extend daylight saving (DST), but why the fuck has it taken so long? I also don’t understand why people whinge about it. The most common complaints about DST include fuckwits whinging that their curtains fade, farmers having a blub that it fucks them up and old people saying that they like to get up early and have it light. Here’s how I see it:

Faded curtains.
Get a fucking life you whinging fuckwits! How the fuck can shifting the time forward an hour possibly affect your curtains? Here’s the thing, and listen carefully, because I know that you’re an idiot and I will say this slowly…there are no more hours of sunlight in the day due to 6am being renamed 7am. The number of hours of sunlight is dictated by the earth’s rotation around the sun at any given time of year. If there are 15 hours of sunlight from 6am to 9pm, there will still be 15 hours of sunlight if we decided that 6am was now midnight and 9pm was now 3pm. People are idiots – particularly those who worry about their curtains. If you were worried about the “extra” sunlight having a detrimental effect, perhaps you should worry about the effect the “extra” sunlight is having on your skin.

Tit.

Farmers.
I can understand farmers having a bit of a blub – yes it fucks them up because they have to milk their cows at a different time of day. But here’s the inside scoop; COWS CANT TELL THE FUCKING TIME! They are going to produce milk and need to be milked everyday regardless of the time. If you’re that concerned, hide the clocks from the cows and take away their mobiles so they can’t ring their friends at another farm to find out what the time really is. If you find one who has been seeking the real time, roast the fucker!

Here’s another tidbit for farmers who bitch about the time shift: the hours of sunlight that don’t affect the fuckwits’ curtains mentioned above, will not affect your planting, growing and harvesting. If your crops are going to receive 15 hours of sunlight and extreme heat in the middle of January, they will get it regardless of what arbitrary title we give any given time of day.

Here’s one of Grum’s surefire tips – you may want to write this down…if you are that concerned about time being shifted forward by an hour, go to bed an hour earlier than normal and get up an hour earlier than normal.

You are also a tit.

Old people.
I’m going to give you similar advice to that I gave to the farmers…if you are that concerned about time being shifted forward by an hour, go to bed an hour later than normal and get up an hour later than normal. That way you’ll still get up when it’s light and you can still have the same amount of sleep. Besides, you’re old. What the fuck are you doing getting up early anyway? Stay in bed you stupid bastards – I sure as hell will be when I’m your age.

Just remember, I’m younger than you and chances are you’ll die before me. Therefore, what I deem to be more important is more important.

Saggy tits.

It’s not very often I put my foot down about anything. The foot is coming down. That’s it, DST stays, the foot has spoken.

Love and sloppy kisses,