Fatlo.af

Not fucking likely. It’s not that I can’t fix it….I won’t fix it. Fix it your damn self. I’m at the stage now where I just can’t be arsed doing anything. I have 4 assignments due in the next four weeks and I’ve done precisely bugger all on them. This is what you get when you Google “bugger all” – hilarious. I love the way these people think. They make Scott look very shady by comparison.

And now, some random words:

Goose
Jengo Fett
Prattle
Nutritional
Lasting
Sasquatch
el Alemein
Job
Titmouse

Anybody else think a titmouse is actually a mouse? I’m not a bright man – never professed to be. People seem to think that because I go to university, occasionally wear my glasses and am some what of a beardo, I must be an intellectual. WRONG! I am not as thick as Cletus, but I’m no Stephen Hawking.

What the hell was I banging on about? It was probably something to do with drop bears. People can pretend all they like that these vicious creatures don’t exist, but I’ve seen them. Back in the Great Flora War those bloody eucalyptus trees tamed the once wild, majestic drop beard and started to use them for guerrilla war fare. Before “the big one”, as it’s now known, the drop bears were gentle creatures who only ever climbed a tree in order to escape the fart of another drop bear. They lived on a primitive marsupial beer and fried prawns and that diet gave them terrible gas. The more devious drop bears, or “droppies” as they became known, would drop their guts and climb after a rival male in order to chase them off their territory. This is where the name came from – the bears would drop their guts to win the battle. Now, the eucalyptus saw a way to take advantage of both the droppies’ tendency to climb trees after farting and their God-awful bowels. After some extensive research and many years of testing, the eucalyptus trees were able to re-program the way the droppies thought. They taught them to climb the trees first, then fart, launching themselves out of the tree and onto the enemy. As time went by, the droppies were were mistreated by the damn eucalyptus and eventually they turned on their former masters with such ferocity that the trees had no option but to try to wipe out all of the droppies. They thought that perhaps cane toads were the answer, but it was not to be. The cane toads were set free and that is why we still have the problem today. The trees tried various methods to eradicate the droppies, but each failed more miserably than the last. The droppies became more and more outraged and started to attack anyone who came withing 50 metres of their tress. That is why, to this day, tourists are told by Australian locals to watch out for the Drop bears.

You can say I’m telling porkies if you must, but I beg you to watch out for the drop bears.