Fatlo.af

That’s one hell of a title, I’m sure you’ll agree. To be fair, it is a little generous, but since I wrote it…if you don’t like it, you know what you can do with it. Here are some suggestions if you’re struggling:

• Stick it up your coit.
• Poke it in your arse.
• Stick it where the sun don’t shine.

In case you don’t know, I am on my mid-semester break from university. They call it a “teaching break”, I call it a “reason to dump more shit on us”. If you are a uni student, or have ever been one, you’ll agree with me, I’m sure. I have spent most of the past week and a half sitting in front of this damn computer trying to complete online tutorials and starting the four assignments that are due reasonably soon. I spent two days sitting in front of this fucking computer and all I had to show for it was about 100 words. To be honest, I wasn’t really happy with any of them. All I can say is thank fuck for email and the fatloaf forums. They have kept me going, if not distracted and away from the work I was supposed to be doing. I blame Scott- if he hadn’t been fucking with the software, I would have finished my bloody assignments by now.

I haven’t spent all of my time trying (if you can call it that) to do uni work. I have left time for the three things I love most: drinking FUIC, watching cricket and being grumpy. As far as FUIC goes, I have been drinking my usual quota and entering the competition that Farmers Union have started. I haven’t won a damn thing. I think it’s outrageous that blokes like myself, Bill and Gabby-Jay should even have to enter. Surely they should recognise our efforts to keep their company afloat and just give us the damn prize. BASTARDS! I’ll give up iced coffee..is that what you want? Could you live with yourself if I gave up? There has been much debate over whether or not all of the codes are different. I say yes, Zorba says no. In a (some might say futile) effort for one of us to be proclaimed the winner of the “are the codes all different” game, I am asking, nay, begging people to record their codes here or here.

I have been watching the cricket as I pointed out before. I am delighted to see that Australia are still undefeated at the World Cup and have extended their run of winning World Cup matches to something like 18 or 19 in a row. I find it very inconvenient that they play the World Cup in a different timezone to me. As I am Australian, and Australia are the best side in the world, I demand that future World Cups be played in Australia where we can see it without having to try to stay awake into the wee small hours. Malcolm Speed, if you are reading this, do something about it – any real Australian would.

I mentioned that I have spent some time being grumpy. In particular, I have been outraged over the behaviour of some stupid bitch at Tea Tree Plaza on Sunday 15th of April, 2007. While my mother and I were at the checkout in Coles in TTP, some stupid fucking woman was trying to get one of those green bags loose. When I say “loose”, I am referring to the fact that it was attached to the checkout by a cable tie. This dumb bitch was clearly getting more and more impatient because the checkout chick was serving us (as she had been before her royal highness arrived) and wasn’t paying attention to her. While we were waiting for the credit to go through, the girl asked the bitch if she needed help. The bitch replied that she wanted a green bag. The girl told her that she had to go inside the store to get one. Now the bitch said something really fucking irritating – she claimed that she didn’t have time to go into the store because she was on the way to the bus station. However, she stood out the front for several minutes waiting when she could have gone inside. I remarked (rather loudly) that I had “never seen such a rude fucking bitch” and walked off. The people in line behind us had been waiting longer than the bitch and I was pissed off for them. I can only hope that the girl kept the bitch waiting longer while she removed the cable tie and had to find another green bag to scan because the one at the checkout didn’t have a bar code attached. That bitch put me in a foul mood for the entire afternoon and if I ever see her crossing the street, I’m going to run her down with my car.

I’m pissed off now just thinking about it. People are such arseholes and I am going to snap one day – just pray that I don’t have a gun or some explosives when I do.

Love and sloppy kisses,