Kangaroos: going the boing.
Apparently this is good news. So Keith Martin tells me anyway – why would Keith lie? By “boing” I mean going at it hammer and tongs. Apparently, kangaroos stop doing the ol’ horizontal hokey pokey in times of drought so their kiddies won’t starve. When rain is expected, they start going like the clappers again. So, if you see kangaroos going the humpty-dumpty on your lawn, don’t shoo them away, invite them in for a cup of tea and thank them for their warning. Some how the animals are always the first to know.
I have now completed the first three weeks of my uni course and there’s a few things that are pissing me off. Regular readers of this complete dribble will now doubt say “What, Grum? Only a few?”, those who have never seen this load of tripe before would do well do read a few of my other posts . There are posts by other people, but they are in no way as entertaining as me. May my back fuck up and I have to limp if it’s not true.
The age of the people around me.
I would be the second oldest person in my course. Most of the other blokes in it look like they have never had to shave. Some look like they have never even heard of it. On average, I would be about 8 years older than most of the guys and girls in my course. That sounds marvelous you may think. Indeed it is when I wish to do nothing but sit back with FUIC in hand, listening to The Gadflys on my iPod and watch the bottoms walk past. However, it’s when they open their mouth that I crack the shits. Like you know like when like somebody is too like stupid like to construct a like sentence like without like having the word “like” in it? These people are supposed to be the health professionals of the future…”Sorry. Lady Pilking-Smythe-Snodsbury, like we’ll have to like remove your foot. Like I’m really like sorry, y’know?”. I can see that working well.
No bar!
What sort of university campus doesn’t have a bar on it? I’m supposed to a uni student, for fuck’s sake! How can I be a proper student if there is nowhere on campus to get blind and completely forget that I have a test in 45 minutes? I want the full experience.
No cheap iced coffee.
Now I’m really pissed off. I can get cheaper FUIC in servos. Honest to God, servos! Three bucks for an iced coffee when I’m a poor, struggling student on Austudy trying to make my way in the world. That’s fucking outrageous.
Hairy-arm pit, purple-wearing, tree-hugging lesbians.
They piss me off all the time and this seemed a good time to have a dig.
That’s it for now. Tune in next time when I grab some mung bean-eating, brown trouser-wearing, save-the-whales, dreadlocked fuckwit, bend him over and sink the slipper.
Love and sloppy kisses,Grum.
4 Responses to “Kangaroos: going the boing.”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Blame John Howard for no bar, he is the one that made the students association voluntary which means the uni cant afford the bar.
Personally, I quite enjoyed the law dinner with female students much younger than me. Maybe we can find you a nice kangaroo to do the dirty with since they are so frisky at the moment? I heard its going to rain this week
I know John Howard made joining the student unions voluntary and I thank him for it. I hated the fact that last time I was in uni I was forced to join the union. Isn’t being a uni student about choice? I choose not to join a union of any kind because I think their time has passed and generally they’re as useful as tits on a bull. What I am disgusted about is that the Amore Cafe that has since taken over the site at UniSA’s City East campus has found it necessary not to sell booze. They’re losing a lot of money for that decision.
All lesbians are great – the ones you describe aren’t lesbians though. They are monkeys.