Those of you reading this bollocks with any sort of regularity will no doubt be aware that people piss me off. Not just a little – a lot. So, in order to clear things up, I have decided to spell out how I decide if someone needs a punch in the back of the head. [...]

I have often thought that if, instead of the tone they play before making announcements over a loud speaker the announcer should just pipe up, “Penis vagina, penis vagina. The 5:40pm flight to Melbourne on Virgin Blue…blah blah, Thank you.”. I think it would get people’s attention considerably before laying down the reason why you’ve arrested their minds with your opener.

Hi! I’m Grum McLure. You may remember me from such rants as Why everyone but me is wrong, Piss off and die and There’s more to life than computer games you fat nerd. I’m here today to express me irritation at a ridiculous rule that prevents me from claiming any further Austudy. Last Monday, I [...]

That comment could be directed at a few places, be taken personally or just be directed at some faceless corporate giant who’s neglected something, someone or whatever. No, in this specific case, that comment is directed squarely at the manufacturers of the fortunes that go into the fortune cookies we all enjoy (I know you all do, everyone does) when we eat chinese food. Pick up your fucking game.

It’s that time of triennium when we, the people, decide who will govern us for the next three years. I’m normally a tad apathetic about political campaigns as they invariably begin to shit me after a couple of days and I find it best not to give them the satisfaction of thinking they may have [...]

Well this is it, the new site has been bedded in, I’ve listened to everyone who’s fed my glorious ego with praise for it to feed on and keep it warm at night and ignored those who’ve had even the slightest hint of criticism toward it. To those philistines I have this to say: lalalalalalalalala!

It’s that time of year for uni students. Unfortunately, I am not talking about the time to take off your dacks and run around town with your plums out. That is everyday for many uni students.

Disclaimer: Before I begin this week’s rant, I’d like to stress that there will be no names mentioned (I may be a prick, but I’m not an arsehole, if that makes sense), and I’d like to request that anyone who has something to comment upon in this article observe the same courtesy. If you must [...]

It’s nice doing this once a week again, there’s nothing like being demoralised by one of Bill’s comments about something I’ve said which isn’t quite up to his high standards. I tell you, sometimes I cry myself to sleep just thinking about his words, cutting a rivene of pain in my heart.

Hi, I’m Grum McClure, you might remember me from such rants as ‘I Know You Are, I Said You Are, But What Am I?’ and ‘It’s Not Illegal If Nobody Sees It’. I’m here today to present a rant on the LBW rule and those who don’t know it. If you’re not a cricket fan, [...]