Fatlo.af

It certainly appears that way. There are many things lately that have been giving me the shits. I have started writing them down as they piss me off – the list is getting to be quite a size…

1. Women’s handbags.

They get in the way. They’re on the floor to trip me up or over a shoulder and bashing me as some inconsiderate cow tries to muscle her way through a gap that a cat would have trouble fitting through. To make matters worse, women have to have one that “matches my outfit”. I don’t have forty different wallets – one to match my brown thongs, one to match my lime green hat, one to match a shark that may latch onto my right testicle in a freak yachting accident. Pick a handbag and stick with it.

2. Badly designed car parks.

This would apply to most of the car parks that I have ever been in. Have the people designing these places ever driven a car? Are they aware that your average car (obviously, I am not referring to Inspector Gadget’s car here) does not have wheels that can swivel 360 degrees? Here’s an idea: smooth the corners off a bit so we can turn the corner without having to swing out into the oncoming taffic. I know it’s a “crazy” suggestion, but it just might work.

3. Badly parked cars.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret here, people…those white lines that are everywhere in car parks – you’re supposed to park your car between them. Outrageous, I know. But here comes some more bad news – you are supposed to park reasonably parallel to the lines and in the centre of them. You can get fined for bad parking. I hate those fuckwits who park somewhere near the car park and decided that “near enough is good enough”. By doing that, you have caused another person to park just as badly as you and they inturn have caused another person to park just as badly as them, etc, etc. Pretty soon there is absolute anarchy and I can’t get to the shops to get an iced coffee. You think I’m pissed off now? Just wait until the anarchy begins – no-one will be safe from my wrath.

4. Small cars in car parks.

Let us continue with the car park theme. I hate driving around a full car park, searching for a free space only to have my utter joy at finding one turn into bitter resentment when I discover the truth: that the car park I thought was free is actually occupied by a small car that has been driven as far forward as it can be. For fuck’s sake will you please park towards the back of the space so I can see your car before it’s too late? See what you have made me do? I have been reduced to using the p word.

5. Fuckwits who stand at concerts.

Actually, I am referring to those who stand in an area that has been designated for sitting. From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn’t enjoy a good sit? But I digress…

If you want to stand at a concert, buy a ticket in the general admission area. Some of us have no desire to, or simply can’t in my case, stand for a two hour concert. Don’t get pissed off at me when I ask you to park your arse.

I realise that this a is a shorter list than normal, but my back is beggining to ache from sitting here and I medically need an FUIC.

Stick it up your coit if you don’t like it.

I don’t like you either.

Love and sloppy kisses,