Margaret Clarke – 25 July 1950 – 27 September 1996
Today marks the 10th anniversary of the passing of the most beautiful, caring, loving and strong woman I ever had the good fortune to know. My Mother.
I’m away from work today so that I can reflect on everything my Mum means to me, and to think about how her memory has shaped the person I am.
She passed away in the Modbury Hospice after a long battle with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, a battle which caused her almost constant agony and suffering, loss of hair, illness (carsickness and other problems) even when she was in remission, and changes to her way of life. She took all of these things in her stride, never once complaining about her situation and always putting her family’s wellbeing before her own. In fact, she once apologised to my Dad for letting the cancer defeat her.
At the beginning, she was given a 70% chance of recovery, and she did go into remission, however the cancer came back and the doctors admitted, after giving her aggressive chemotherapy and radiation therapy treatment, that there was nothing they could do.
Even though we knew it was going to happen, nothing could possibly prepare a person to go through something like that. There’s so many things I wish I could have said to her, to take back all the hurtful things I said over the years, things that my memory has now dredged up to remind me with every day since her passing. I wish I could have told her I was proud of her for fighting for so long, and not to be ashamed that it was something she could not overcome.
The one thing I am grateful for from a personal point of view is that, on the last day, under massive doses of morphine, she managed to recognise each of her children in separate moments of lucidity and said exactly the thing we wanted to hear. For me, she had been hallucinating and fairly vague, thinking she was hearing a phone or teaching a class, and she was not acknowledging anyone in the room. Then, out of nowhere, she looked straight at me and her eyes seemed to focus. She asked me to do a simple thing for her (put a piece of paper in the bin), and as I turned back to her she said “you’re a good boy, Kieran”. Those were her last words to me, and they could not have been more perfect.
When she knew she was not going to recover, she also wrote each of her children (and my Dad) a short note which totally summed up each of our characters and gave us something to aspire to. I copied mine into a text message on my phone so that I can carry it with me for inspiration.
However, the one thing I really aspire to in my life, more than anything else, is to be regarded with the same respect as my Mother was.
She never had a single enemy, and her nature and ability as a teacher earned her the respect of everyone she worked with or befriended. Her funeral showed the esteem in which she was held by her peers, as not only was there not enough room in the actual church to accommodate everyone, there was very nearly not enough room on the church grounds for the people standing outside to pay their respects.
I’m not a believer in God or Heaven, but for my Mother’s sake, I hope there is a better place for her, because she deserves to be there.
In dying, we’re born to eternal life.
All our thoughts are with the Clarke family today and forever.
Awe… Thanks mate.
My thoughts are with you and you’re family, Kiz. That was such a moving post, that I am upset that I never got to meet your Mum. What a woman!
Cheers Grum.
I think your Mum would be proud of the person you have become Kiz! In my eyes you alright!
Hehe thanks Greg… I just wish my guns were as big as yours…
Well done Kiz, it shows a lot of courage to put your emotions up somewhere for others to read freely and comment upon.
Heed your mothers words and her attitude for they are the things that will guide you.
While we cannot know for sure (in the absence of total faith) that such an existance carries over after passing, I feel that you can be comfortable that if she is not looking over you now with pride, then she certainly did while she was here, as to can you be proud of her.
“The brightest flame will always burn fastest”
Well written. I did have the pleasure of knowing her beforehand…amazingly strong character. I’m sure she is with you everyday. RIP M.Clarke
Nice work.
We all love Kizza.
its not often that I am speechless but right now i am.
truely moving piece.
thankyou for open the worlds eyes just that little bit wider.
take care big man.