Fatlo.af

I’m sorry but this couldn’t and wouldn’t wait.. this really is some quite amusing stuff and if you are up to date on the JOE Vs SPENCE saga you will really appreciate what you are about to read..

i know i have been promising a recount on my adventures in Mildura and it is coming (don’t sigh and say “i’ve heard it all before” you will hurt my feeling, remember i have only one feeling) but really this is more important and has a greater entertainment value, well… ok, maybe not, the mildura story is pretty good too but i’ll let you little vegimites be the judge.. trust me im good for it, it wont happen overnight, but it will happen..

ok to the story at hand.. if your not familiar with the JOE Vs SPENCE story or you just need a quick refresher you should read this then this then this and then this once you have read all that you will know what the hell is going on.. not only that you will be drooling like a kid in a candy store in anticipation of the next development in this long fought war between the crazy little man and myself..

before i serve up a generous portion of the well cooked slice of loaf you all greatly desire i have to fill you in on some information i’m sure you will all find rather amusing, Scott did, and well.. you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t have a twisted sense of humor like us..

righto.. so you have now read this, this, this and this so you are pretty clued up on what has been happening.. well like a late night home shopping commercial… wait, theres more! no steak knives here though, just more classic highlights from joe the crazy little man..
alright i’ll get on with it then.. since i last bowled against joe i have managed to meet up with him two more times well three really.. yeah i know i’m slack its something i should have told you about earlier but lets face it the best relationships are based on lies.. so why should ours be any different and well i hardly call keeping something from you lying, you didnt ask.. if you did, i would have told you!

anyway, about 2 months ago i decided to try my luck in bowling tournament at salisbury bowl, it was a local tournament run in competition with one going on in melbourne, i was going over for that but decided to keep it in the family, (the south aussie one anyway) and stay here to compete.. well maybe i should have gone after what ended up happening… we all rocked up on the day to compete, paid our entry fees and waited patiently to see where we were bowling for the day.. this is also the part where you find out who you are bowling with for the day, as there isnt enough lanes for everyone to have their own we all got to share… all fine so far, no big deal you are saying.. WELL YOU ARE WRONG - this is where my day went from ok, its 9am on a sunday why the hell am i in bowling centre? to, why the hell did i get out of bed i am such a dumbass and i cant believe this has happened to me i want to sacrifice a chicken! geesus christ what the fark did i do in my last 5000 lives for you to do this to me! now you are wondering what the hell happened, some may have guessed already..
yes i had to bowl with Joe for the whole farking day and yes it was painful! the kind of pain you feel when you wake from a bender to relise that what you picked up last night wasn’t in fact Angelina Jolie but a haggered 40year old transvestite with no teeth, track marks and a receeding hair line and you realise you can’t wake this beast you have to chew your own arm off… no? ok im alone on that one? you dont know that pain…?? thankgod for that i was just joking, really i was joking… i dont really know that pain but just think if you were in that situation the pain would be intense.. now you have that vision you know what i was feeling.. the day went ok, i didn’t bowl my best but i managed to beat joe in just about every game, i’m not sure where he finished but im sure it was somewhere below me.. another victory to spence..

on to the second encounter, this was back in the good old wednesday night league some of you are familiar with.. it was the start of the new season so i decided to employ some new tactics and instead of handing Joe a plate full of bullshit i decided to hand him his ass on a plater instead.. and to the delight of many i acomplished this feat quite successfully, i really would love to give you the scores but i cant remember what the bloody hell they were, that will teach me for leaving it so long before i tell you guys.. instead i will tell you that i did beat Joe 5-0 and i did it without trash talking him at all in fact i didnt speak to him at all during the evening.. not like me i know, but he seems to like it when he’s pissing you off so i decided not to let this bother me and just beat his ass like a homosexual prostitute and i assure you, he loved every minute of it! dont worry guys shortly after play had ceased and it had been tallied up that he had just been white-washed i reverted back to my former self and told him politley how shit he was and how many points i had taken off of him in the past few encounters.. and like a typical port supporter he delved deep into the history back to the night when he managed to fluke a 3-2 win over me (not one of my career highlights) and draw on that for some salvation.. immidiately to be shot down and told to take a look at the score we are in the now get out of the past champ, you dont have a time machine..

enough of that now and moving forward to the more recent events or the incident that became the straw that broke the camel’s back.. some people were asking popular questions last wednesday night, where’s Joe gone? what happened to him? is he still alive? and did i kill him? well i can assure you i didnt kill Joe.. yes, it came close but never actually happened.. however, after wednesday night a fortnight ago i don’t think Joe will be returning to wednesday nights and possibly to bowling at all, which is a shame because i enjoyed spending his money but ah well, i guess i will have to spend scotts instead, i’m good at that on the wednesday night in question i managed to tip Joe over the edge and the best part is that i did it without even trying.. see it started with me just having a harmless jab at the fact joe had spilt shit all over the players area and had made quite a mess, all i did was quite innocently asked him “what the fuck is all this shit?” and spontaneously Joe errupted into a fit of abuse… this totally unwarranted if you ask me, well it was. It may come as a surprise to you all but i didnt take to kindly to this onslaught of abuse at all. I promptly decided it would be “un-australian” to take this abuse lying down and proceeded with my own attack of the verbal kind.. the situation rapidly became quite serious and rather personal with me adopting my “rabid pit-bull” face and both Joe and i became personal, i suggested that we take the matter outside (in the intrest of the other bowlers not to distract them) and sort it out in the carpark, you know the saying “you, me, car park now” was applied in accordance with the situation at hand. of course just didnt like this suggestion and quickly shut up his face, probably a good choice considering i may have taken his jaw clean off if he didnt. Scott saw this friendly joust and came over to distract me, i think he didnt like the fact i was paying more attention to Joe than him so he gave me a friendly nudge and took me away, while i was outside loading the car with my bowling gear Joe approached the counter and informed the staff that he would be withdrawing from the league, im not sure on the reasons but i believe it had something to do with the lanes or the paint work in the place, i’m not sure really..

in closing i would just like to say that i’m sure that Joe will be deeply missed and we look forward to his safe return someday.. i would also like to take this opportunity to wish him all the best in his future ventures, and i hope there is no hard feelings.. He stepped up he got beaten down.. i can only say the best man won on the day..

i have no need to gloat so i will leave you all in peace.. take care all.. look forward to seing you all again one day..

spence
aka “the great one”